


infinitum.

by ghost_001



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Sexy Zone
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by the manga "Fujimi Lovers", M/M, Rating May Change, Romance, other members and groups might pop out in future chapters, overall just sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:48:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26663185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghost_001/pseuds/ghost_001
Summary: E major, a shortness of breath. Kento moves in and feels the wind, feels the ground, the sun on his cheeks and neck. He gulps as he tries not to scream.( in which Fuma disappears everytime he loves him back, and Kento wonders why he keeps trying.)
Relationships: Kikuchi Fuma/Nakajima Kento
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	1. jonquils

**Author's Note:**

> this is SO short omg 
> 
> but happy reading! leave a kudo and please tell me what you think because I honestly have no idea lol

.

.

.

"I love you." Kento says. There's an air of finality to it but it's weak, like dust against wind, and he continues anyway even though he knows. "Always have."

His throat is dry. The words might as well have died on his tongue. 

The light above them flickers and his hope sways, but when the shine becomes steady, Kento can see Fuma looking at him from the other side of the bench. He seems surprised. It's the least of Kento's worries. 

He sees Fuma turn his head to the side then, face turning red almost and it's endearing as much as it hurts. He could see the gears turn as Fuma tries to think of what to say, and internally, Kento selfishly begs for him to not say it, to not reciprocate.

"I love you too," he hears and Kento should be happy, he should be, but-

Fuma disappears this time too, in a silent puff of air. 

The world restarts. 

Kento sighs, tries not to cry this time and stands up, leaving the park with one heartbreak more. 

* * *

.

.

.

_(It first happened in a haze of blue.)_

He was young then, nearly 11 he realized because Kento's birthday was just six days after Fuma's and his was today. 

Fuma had been Kento's childhood friend since.... forever. It was hard to recall back to first meetings when Kento didn't remember a time when Fuma wasn't there. Teachers said they stick to each other like glue and Kento didn't really have anything back to say to that. They weren't wrong. It just got annoying everytime someone outside of their friend group teased them about it but, other than that, he didn't mind the talks. 

The point is, with how small their humble town was, everyone knew them. No one questioned anything when they were together, nor batted an eye when Kento looked nervous than usual because they weren't even looking in the first place. Fuma seemed to notice though, because he was silent when Kento led them up towards the school's roof. 

He said "happy birthday" to him first. They sat near the tall fence separating them from gravity below, and Kento offered a slice of cake to Fuma. He bought it just this morning with what little savings he had, just one slice of blue icing cake with chocolate inside. The same hue as the sky— Fuma genuinely looked happy with it so Kento was happy too. 

Fuma said he wanted an RC car instead of being properly grateful though, so Kento pushed him lightly as he scoffed. Time continued and break was almost over. 

Kento twisted his hands on his lap, a share of the cake untouched as Fuma prattled on about this new cartoon he liked.

He had to say it. _He had to!_ The timing was right, they'd been together forever, there was no way Fuma would hate him for it.

So Kento, with all the hesitance he could muster, opened his mouth and confessed. Fuma stopped talking, eyes wide. It was daytime yet the world felt asleep with how silent it was being. 

_(5 seconds.)_

That was all it took for Fuma to say it back to him. 

He could've relished those 5 seconds more if he knew Fuma was going to up and _disappear_ from his life. How could he have known? Fuma was just there, he could see the finished paper plate of cake from across where he sat, clearly, just like his memories of Fuma and this was? Confusing? 

Kento blinked before he looked around. He didn't scream, not yet. He held it, like horror repressed, and tidied the place up before the bell rings. He went back to class and people asked him why he went to the rooftop alone when he could've just sat with them—?

He said he went with Fuma. They looked to each other as if in secret, as if Kento wasn't right in front of them, and asked him,

"Who's Fuma?"

Maybe it wasn't the funniest joke ever but Kento still hoped it was. He forced a laugh, felt bile rising in his throat and told them with just the tiniest bit of desperation, "You're kidding. You can't not know who Fuma is. He's been with me since- _forever!_ "

They looked worried. As they should be. They should be worried that Fuma's gone and Kento, his best friend, doesn't even know where he is. 

They denied again though, of Fuma's whole existence, and Kento realized that maybe they weren't joking after all. Kento pointed towards the seat Fuma sat at but they said that seat had been empty for years. Kento searched through the attendance list and found no trace of Fuma's name. He asked the teachers too, because one can never be careful even in the face of hopelessness, but they shook their heads and said they've never heard of any Fuma before. 

Even his own family forgot. Fuma's number was gone and his house was empty too. The sun was setting and Kento thought idly that it had been 5 hours since Fuma's disappearance. It felt like an eternity. He stumbled out of the gates of what used to be Fuma's home, and thinks-

Did Kento dream up of Kikuchi Fuma? 

He couldn't have just made him up, couldn't have hallucinated a human and fell so hard for something that didn't exist. Years of memories was too long for him to be a dream.

Yet there was proof of his non-existence, the loud testament of his absence, and his lack of being felt like raw wounds on Kento's chest. 

Kento was 10 years old. He shouldn't be experiencing loss, not this young. 

Then time passed by in a monotonous blur. 

Kento's now in his first year of middle school.

He hasn't grown much, not really. His back is lean and he grew his hair a little so that it kissed the nape of his neck, hands jittery with the urge to hold something, an old habit that grows. There's a gait when he walks, like confidence returned, some kind of false front he put on to fool the masses. 

His eyes are jaded with something unexplainable.

Yet— _**Yet** —_ They are sharp with purpose, so when he lifts up his head, turned from the conversation him and his group of friends were having during lunch break, he sees someone right outside his class passing by the windows, a familiar figure rushing through—

He stands as his heart leaps out of his chest, seat clattering to the floor with sudden movement. There are taiko drums in his ears, ringing, thudding. The clamor doesn't quiet down despite the hush he creates inside their little circle, and Kento could sense his friends's worried glances as he looks across the room towards the hallway outside, eyes wide. 

That couldn't have been a mistake. He saw him, only a couple of years have passed, _he couldn't have been mistaken._

The boy rushes past the windows and Kento- desperate for confirmation, for hope reborn- gives chase. He stumbles forward, runs to the open door at the back and shouts, gripping at the frames. 

" _Fuma!_ "

He turns his head around, startled.

The world restarts.


	2. lily (1/2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long! been caught up with real life + got other things I'm working on. Happy reading and happy new years nevertheless! 
> 
> (note, fumaken's in first year of middle school in this setting so they'd be 13-14 yrs old? i think)

Maybe the universe didn't want them together. Fate was frowning upon him, Kento realizes, as shock drips into his system. 

"I don't know you."

It's a simple statement despite everything else. Kento shakes his head, because while the world might have forgotten all of Kikuchi Fuma's existence, Kento hasn't, not even a bit, and hearing that hurts. 

".... We.... were friends," he manages. "How couldn't you remember?"

Kento bets he sounds crazy. Fuma's looking at him weirdly, like he's stuck between being worried and annoyed, before the bell rings throughout the hallway. Fuma clicks his tongue, mouth downturned as he looks at Kento with barely concealed contempt. He doesn't glare but he's vexed- Kento remembers a lot of the times Fuma had been irritated, and it eases him to know that there's at least a semblance of familiarity between this and the past. 

It's a short relief, though. Fuma doesn't seem to want to entertain the thought of a stranger claiming to know him anymore so he looks about ready to bolt- But Kento reaches over and grabs his arm, desperate and almost urgent. If Fuma looked contemptuous before, he looks down right pissed now. 

" _Hey_ —"

"The entrance," he raises his voice, cutting through the din in the hallway. "After school. Meet me there."

He's being unreasonable, he knows. Fuma shakes his hand off and there's something like curiosity on his face that shows for the briefest moment before he turns and run. It takes Kento a few moments to realize his heart is loud in his ears, and his friends are peering at him through the door behind him. Embarrassment doesn't sink in, but hope does. It's a wild, feral thing so he holds on to it strongly. 

"Are ya gonna come back in any time soon?" One of them says, almost quietly with how deafening everything feels. Kento looks back, a careful, sheepish smile on his face that would've faltered if he's not used to pretense. 

"Yeah," he replies and before any of them can question anything, "The teacher's late this time, huh?"

A snort and a quick response later, time moves on again.

* * *

Of course Fuma's not there. 

Kento thinks back on their previous "meeting" and sighs, because- Well, if a stranger comes up to him claiming that they've had history together, he probably would've reacted the same way, maybe. 

It's well past after school time and the sun has already begun it's descent, melting distant buildings into liquid gold. There's barely anyone left since Kento waited; His friends went off on their merry way the instant school was over and Kento stayed near the entrance in hopes of catching Fuma once he goes home too. It should've occurred to him that maybe the other boy doesn't want to meet him. They're strangers now, apparently- He really has to realize that. 

Then minutes passed. 

Kento likes to think that he's patient when he isn't, so he waits until the only sound he could hear were the _tap tap tapping_ of his shoes. The usual noise of cluttered students filters away and the sky is as clear as it's orange; But underneath it all— he could now faintly hear a familiar tune. It's messy, but the melody sticks.

Curiosity got the better of him so he goes back inside. As far as he knew, the music room should be locked by now. He frequents the place often to play piano or, under permission from a particularly dismissive teacher, to hang around with his friends. It's unusually vacant but then again, the school focuses more on sports rather than music so it's not strange that it's normally empty. Though it does raise questions when the room is occupied with someone other than him for once. 

The sound grows in volume the nearer he gets, and it's when he steps onto the third floor that he realizes how off the playing sounds. Like a novice who just learnt how to read musical notes, pressing keys with reckless abandon. Kento would've been upset if he wasn't so interested. 

And interest was what made his heart stop— for a bit— when he peeked beyond the partially opened door of the music room. 

Fuma's face is concentrated on the keys of his instrument. There's frustration in the air, Kento noticed, and he blinks when the flow changed from being barely composed to sudden, arbitrary pushes. Kento steps into the room. 

"Hey."

He's startled him, causing him to push the keys too hard, ringing both of their eardrums to oblivion. They're broken now; the silence, the almost serene ambience of everything bathed in golden light, hastily patchworked by a heated glare that bordered onto panic and an unmistakable sense of rising tension.

As if Kento was the one who's made the noise, Fuma brought a finger to his lips and hissed. 

" _Shhh!_ " He briefly glanced at the door, back to Kento, and in a restrained shout-whisper, "What— Why are you here?!"

"Heard someone playing," Kento blinks. He's familiar with the room so he pulls a chair from the back to put his bag down. "... And I also waited. Outside by the entrance."

"Outside—" Fuma starts and, it's as if a light bulb lit up. There's recognition in his eyes now for the first time in years, and it's not the same but Kento revels in it. 

"Oh," Fuma says, and his shoulders sag only for a bit, still tense and not completely off guard. "You."

Kento knows Fuma like the back of his hand, his anger and subdued countenance, but, not entirely. This.... isn't really the same Fuma, is it? They don't know each other, not yet. He watches his words the next time he speaks, careful to not seem overly familiar. 

"Me," Kento nods. Awkwardly he twists his hands, looks to the side and onto the ground before meeting Fuma's eyes again. "Look, I- I didn't _mean_ to," he admits, suddenly sheepish. "You look just like— exactly like my friend from when I was in grade school, and I got carried away. Sorry about that."

Fuma stares at him for a while, contemplating. He purses his lips, "But somehow, you still know my name."

"I was... caught up in emotions," a blatant lie, "you know how it is. Is that your name, though?"

Now that he thinks about it, it never really occurred to him that this is maybe, simply just a doppelganger of some sort and not actually Fuma. The thought makes him a bit sick to be honest, but he did say that was his name and now he's nodding too; An affirmation. Fuma lowers the cover on the piano keys and rests his hands on both sides of his chair.

"Kikuchi Fuma," he introduces, and just hearing that name again from someone else for once electrifies Kento's heart— "Nice to meet you...?"

"Nakajima Kento. Nice to meet you, too," he nearly stammers. The window's open so there's a draft coming in, wind blowing the curtains. Sunlight peeks in behind Fuma and Kento's entranced for a moment by the glow, before he drops his gaze to the piano. 

"You were playing?"

It seems like that brought Fuma back down to earth too. "Uh, yeah," he admits, abashed. He scratches the back of his neck. "There's a national concour coming up— Was kinda forced to do it."

"Huh." For as long as he knew him, Kento doesn't remember Fuma having some kind of affinity to the piano, of all things. Though he have to admit it seems less likely of an affinity; _Forced_ , he said, and while it does explain how amateurish the sound was, it doesn't really explain why he's being made to play. "They couldn't find anyone else to do it?"

"I had a certificate on passing elementary level piano class," he says, huffing. Kento raises an eyebrow because, _no, wait,_ that wasn't what he remembers. "My homeroom teacher recommended me and I'm put on the list of candidates before I could reject." 

They have different pasts, apparently, these two Fumas. Considering that this one doesn't know Kento exists, it should have been obvious already but it was still jarring to realize it all over again. "I'm guessing you didn't want to be in it?" 

A bitter look crosses over Fuma's face then. "I'm not.... good. Haven't played in a while."

Kento walks over to the piano, a suggestion ready and held with mounting hesitation. He has a hand on top of the piano, and the boy noted slightly of the dust that covers it. He hasn't played in a while too. It wouldn't be foolish.... 

"I could teach you," he offers. "I play the piano, I— I can at least help you in some way."

It's sudden, the way he lends his hand. Fuma blinks at him and states the obvious. "We just met. I don't....."

"I use this room a lot," Kento rambles, "The music teacher knows that, I don't need constant permission to be here. Besides, I don't think there's anyone here who can...." _who can play decent_ , Kento's mind supply childishly, selfishly, but he swallows the words. "I can help you."

It's not a heavy decision on Fuma's part to reject his offer. 

Of course it isn't. As far as Fuma knows, Kento was this weird boy who's strangely fixated on him somehow, someway, maybe due to some sort of misplaced longing for his friend of the same name. It's a bit bizarre. Kento realizes that and reflects. 

"Why do you want to be his friend anyway?" Shigeoka asks the day after that. Fuma seemed to be absent today, leaving Kento to mull over the events of yesterday on his own. Though now, he guesses, he's got a friend to discuss it with on a surface level, at least; He lets himself think on the question. 

It's an easy question by theory but it's hurting Kento that he has to say something other than "he already is". He pushes a piece of his food in a lazy manner as sunlight pierces through the gaps of the fence separating the rooftop and gravity below. Places like these has become tolerable now, he absently thinks. 

"It sounds fun," he replies. Kento brings the fork to his mouth, chewing on it as he thinks. "I get to help him; Why not?"

"Yeah, but, you barely know who he is. You two just met!" 

Kento goes a bit sentimental at that despite his young age. He sighs on the metal between his teeth, remembers days like this on the rooftop. Bright blue sky and a ruined birthday. Shige wouldn't have believed him if he told; even Kento himself thinks that the thing about Fuma is, at the very least, bizarre. 

He knows he has to keep trying though. Kento still loves him, still remembers, still wants Fuma to recognize him, somehow; he _has_ to keep trying. 

"And?" Kento replies, his tone suddenly challenging. He takes the fork out of his mouth and points at Shige with it. "I don't see why it bothers you so much. Just...", his nose scrunches as he thinks of a retort. Shige gives him a pointed look, to which Kento huffs at and crosses his arms. He could at least give up on _this_. "Just buzz off!"

Shige snorts, barely containing his laughter. Red creeps into his cheeks out of embarassment, and subtly, Kento wonders of a life like this if Fuma was the one in front of him. Mindlessly talking, high up above ground, a fleeting feeling of warmth shared in between. 

It's been a long time since he's allowed himself to think of things like these. It's been a long time since he's felt anything at all, he thinks. 

It's not selfish to have a desire, so he thinks on tomorrow, and for the first time in a long while genuinely looks forward to it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates will unfortunately be sporadic :( I'm more in tune with one shots, and not to mention my writing skills still needs tons of work (it's been deteriorating lmao) so it's hard to be satisfied with... anything I write now, I guess. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
